Ukies--9. Teen Hop

Teen hop

Finally in the 7^th grade they agreed to let us have a hop, you know, boys and girls dancing and socializing; the boys with their macho stance and the girls with their feminine one, but all taken from the movies or TV but really going nowhere. What were we anyway, TV characters?

I sat down a bit tense -- wow! guys were dancing with girls! But I was trying to make it look like it was a boring affair. I watched as the boys and girls swayed, weaving very stiffly and awkwardly. Then I noticed Sonia sitting there. Wow! I thought, she’s not dancing either. The nuns and priests were in a corner talking amongst themselves; I steeled myself and approached Sonia.

“Wanna a dance?” I said.

Sonia looked at me. “I just did,” she answered but then shrugged and stood up and started walking to take her place on the dance floor. I was right behind her.

She turned to face me and uplifted her arm to place into mine.

“Can you teach me how to dance?” I whispered, as our hands almost touched but didn’t. “I never done that.”

She looked at me with surprise but then disgust and anger teemed across her face. She stalked back to her table. I went the other way and walked out of the dance room….

###

Ukies--8. Two Jerks

Two jerks

Sister Emilia caught Ihor jerking off in the girl’s bathroom. She had followed him and caught him in the act. I could just imagine him standing there -- of all the places, a girls bathroom! -- with his cock out, and furiously masturbating.

Ihor had finally told me this after I got it out of him. I turned red; just a month ago I had been caught in the boy’s room, also by Sister Emilia. What did that say about me?

But we both had to question what the nun’s motives had been from the start? Of course she was an authority figure, a nun in school, careful of what her underhanded boys might be up to, but when she saw what he was doing, pulling on his dick, why did she watch as he stooped down to rub his dick against the toilet bowl where little girls made their pee-pee? And only after he had cum and pressed his dick against the creamy murk only then did she bang on the door for him to open up?

“She was getting off too, I bet,” said Ihor, as we walked home up 2^nd avenue.

I had to agree. “They watch us like they’re looking at a porno movie,” I said, “like they’re gonna get something.”

Ihor rubbed himself and turned red. “You ever think of doing it with a nun?” he asked.

I also reddened and dreamily said, “Sure, Sister Brigitte; I’d do her any time.”

Of course I was still a horny virgin and just going after girls and getting nothing in return, but Sister Brigitte was my dream, as I was sure she was the dream of all the other guys in school. She was the youngest nun in school and it may have been her first year or so that she had become a nun; I could just imagine her in a dress or tight pants that held her garter belt and nylons on a Saturday night and getting pawed and felt up by her date, which I imagined myself to be.

We had reached the block where we always parted and Ihor spat out, “Don’t jerk off too much….And don’t forget…Sister Brigitte….she’s mine!” he hissed and went off.

Asshole, I thought but I stopped, turned red and looking after him as he walked away mumbling to himself. That night, as I was jerking off and disrobing Sister Brigitte, I imagined Ihor was crawling in bed with us and doing the same. I was pissed and angry as hell that he was intruding into my fantasies.

Creep! I thought.

Good that Ihor got caught by Sister Emilia. Nothing to be proud of, but I was envious and prayed that it would be Sister Brigitte that would catch me…one day…

I came three times then fell asleep…dreaming holy dreams of Sister Brigitte....

###

Ukies--7. Birthday Girl

Birthday girl

Was Olena’s birthday and she came to school with a corsage at her bosom hanging there like it was another tit…or so the guys laughed.

“Hey, Ola, like your three tits!” and they’d roar in laughter. I bit my lip and looked down every time there was laughter. I didn’t see anything funny about what they were laughing at.

Just the evening before, a Sunday, we were walking in the Village and we talked about meeting somewhere next week. She wanted to go to Coney Island and ride in the Parachute Jump. I thought of getting a hand-job on the ride up in the Parachute Jump. I shrugged and said, “Sure, why not. We can do that.” She even kissed my cheek and I felt very ecstatic…but now this?

I glared at her throughout the day -- she hadn’t said it was her birthday the next day, the bitch! and she didn’t look once in my direction. But I heard she was going to meet her beau…after he gets out of work.

Cunt! I thought. No good fucking cunt! But that’s the way our secret boyfriend/girlfriend relationship had been going: away from the neighborhood and out of the eyes of those who might recognize us. So what did I expect? Fidelity? Mutual secretive contact? Hidden kisses? My ass…

I didn’t wish her Happy Birthday and went home…to angrily jerk off…

###

Ukies--6. Double snow date

Double snow date

More and more Evgeny -- an older guy -- gravitated to me to where we had become close buddies always after the girls there for us, which weren’t many to choose from, knowing his reputation. But Klara, in a different class from me, did agree to go out with me and she’d get her cousin, Daryna, to double date.

Evgeny was ecstatic and he rubbed himself, “Damn!” he said. “She’s a knockout!” And he went off to jerk off I suspected or plot how to get her. As for Klara, she wasn’t much of a looker or talker but a kisser that would drown your face in spit and tongue but I was trying to get her to go down on me which so far hasn’t happened.

Saturday was cold and windy with snow starting up. Was on the block I was to meet Evgeny when Klara showed up -- I was surprised, we were going to meet them both in an hour or so.

“They got busted,” she said. “Geny is a pimp. How come you didn’t tell me that?”

Wow, he moves fast! I thought. “Tell you what?” I knew his treatment of girls -- he had a few girls that were ‘street girls’ or so they presented themselves, smart-assed and hip, but a pimp? No way!

“Well, the cops busted them,” she hissed. “What you gonna do about that? They got her too, she was with him.”

We looked at each other. “What the hell you want me to do? How the hell do I know what’s going on?”

We looked at each other. Our double date was over, if there ever was one. I watched Klara stalk on down the avenue. Real snow had begun after her…

###

Ukies--5. Luba

Luba the Cunt

Luba was an older girl already in high school when I became aware of her. That is to say when she let me become aware of her.

I had already jerked off quite a few times when she saw me walking towards her. She slowly approached and stopped before me. My mouth was open and the fear had built up in me, when she said, “Do you let all girls just walk by?”

I looked around and yes, she was talking to me! She slowly shook her head but opened her mouth and leaned into air. In that moment I fell in love with her. Our lips met for just a little peck --barely even a kiss -- but it meant the new world to me. Then she shyly smiled, even turning red but continued up the street and walked away….

Each morning I’d be there eagerly awaiting her as she came by on her way to her high school, we’d kiss and she’d go off as I’d hurry to the boy’s room and jerk off again.

But a few weeks after that, as I’d be in the bathroom stall after just cuming, I heard the door open and someone take the cubicle nearby.

I grinned, no mistake about it, he (whoever it may have been) was jerking off also. I waited till he was done and left the cubicle at the same time he was opening the door. The look of shame and embarrassment was on him.

It was Zenon, from another class, but I took a chance and grinned at him, “I jerk off at home, it’s safer that way,” I winked.

I thought I was going to get a punch in my mouth but Zenon looked at me and said, “I been trying to get her at home, but the cunts no good.”

“Yeah, I know,” as if we were sharing a familiar moment. “All cunts are no-good cunts!” I said.

Zenon looked at me. “Who’s your cunt?” he said, washing his hands in the sink. “Luba from high school is mine.” And he went to the drier mechanism on the wall. “She’s a real cunt.”

I looked at him. There were no other cunts by that name in school; was I hearing him right? Luba the cunt?

I made up a name, Yulia, and he shrugged. “A real pig,” I added but he had returned to his Luba and how she had done him wrong.

“Every morning she meets me on 10^th street and we kiss a little and stop off in the park for a few more make-out sessions before she goes to school. But I followed her this morning; something made me not to trust and I didn’t. She took a seat in the park on 15^th street and almost immediately a guy was sitting beside her. Man, the kissing was like they were fucking!” He rubbed himself again and sadly walked off.

I thought for a bit. After she had me, she had him and after that the guy on 15^th street. I hung my head. Were there guys before me? She lived somewhere around Allen street, which was below 1^st street. So how many had she passed as she kiss and have her tits squeezed? I frowned. No good cunt! I thought, and went off to my class….

###

Ukies--4. Bitch, Vasyl and Vira

Bitch

I must have had sex with Olena countless times…in movie theaters, in dark hallways, on rooftops…but that was in my head since I was always alone, always whacking off, always hating myself after. But did Olena know what I was doing? Of course not, I was just a 15 years old kid who had the hots for her and she didn’t care that I was alive and hardly ever looked my way.

One Saturday afternoon as I was going to the soda shop where we all hung out I saw Olena coming up the street. I was sure my cock was limp, since I just jerked off a few times and it was peaceful and composed. She saw me walking with a cigarette in my mouth and walked towards me.

“Gimme one,” she said. I didn’t look twice just reached in my shirt pocket for my pack of cigarettes. She breathed in the puff of smoke and breathed it out. “Ahh, better,” she looked at me then asked, “Where you going?”

“Docs,” I answered, thinking that I had never seen her in the soda shop. “You ever go there?”

She snorted and shook her head. “No way! That’s for kids,” and she looked at me and I knew she was looking at a kid. She turned and said, “Thanks for the cigarette,” she took another puff. “Oh yeah, have fun with your…little kiddie friends.” And she laughed as she went on down the street.

Bitch, I thought. Fucking bitch! And circled around and went back to my building. A rooftop is better than a kiddie soda shop, I thought, more adult for what I wanted to do…. Bitch! Damn bitch! I jerked off twice….

###

Vasyl and Vira

In the 6^th grade Vasyl sat next to Vira and he snuck looks at her exam papers and the teacher saw him cheating, so she made him take the exam over and surprisingly he passed -- but by a thin margin. She had her eyes on him.

In the 7^th grade Vasyl and Vira danced at the teen hop and the teachers thought he pressed himself too tightly that they had to break them apart -- still Vira was all flustered by the closeness.

In the 8^th grade Vasyl and Vira ran away from home and went to New Jersey, where Vira said she knew a couple that would put them up. Well, she knew them but they didn’t want to put anyone up since they were at odds themselves. So they came back home after staying a week on the streets, all dirty and tired that they could use another week to recuperate from being away but their parents dragged them off to school.

Vasyl’s parents blamed Vira for corrupting him. “Our boy’s a good boy,” they told the nun’s. “She’s the whore slut!”

To which Vira’s mother answered, “How dare you call my baby girl a whore slut?”

On and on in went, in Ukrainian, in Polish, in German, even in a little Yiddish that Vira’s mother spat out at Vasyl’s father to which he grew very embarrassed at her use of the Yiddish tongue.

“You forgot, did you?” she raged at Vasyl’s father. “Well, I didn’t!”

He tried to explain to his own wife and the nuns looking at him. “I don’t know what she’s talking about!” and he left and the nuns concluded the important meeting was over…

Vasyl and Vira graduated that year and found other lovers as they grew older…I suppose her mother never did….

###

Ukies--3. Sonia DP, Olena

DP for Dumb Pussy!

Sonia was new in school -- which meant she was old-fashioned -- but hell, anybody from the DP camps in Europe was old-fashioned. Displaced Person meant you were backwards, or as Mikhail called the DP girls, “Dumb Pussy!”

Her first days in school it was clear she didn’t speak the English language, which the nuns were trying to instill in us, aw hell, no one spoke it any good, whether we were born there or not, but at least we spoke in a tolerable mode and that got us by, little by little.

A few months after school began I was standing on the corner with Mikhail when Sonia walked by.

“Dumb pussy!” was his normal stuttering, but Sonia turned around, looked at us and asked, “What is damn pussy? I no understand.”

Mikhail grinned at her. “It means you, you dumb pussy!”

Sonia shook her head. “I no understand, what is dumb pussy?”

Again Mikhail sniggered. “You, you stupid slut!” And with his laughter turned away walked away from us.

I felt awkward being on the corner with Sonia; a few times at home she played her part in my masturbation fantasies and I was scared she would know she was in them.

“Mikhail has a weird way of talking,” I said. “Don’t listen to him, ok?”

She scowled and shook her head. “What is dumb pussy!?” she loudly asked. “I need to know. What is dumb pussy?” her voice was loud and unafraid; some men stopped and looked at us as some women shook their heads and hurried away.

I glanced around but didn’t care who was watching us. “This…” I said, grabbing her between her legs and feeling her cunt. “Dumb pussy! Got it?”

I let go of her, her face was very red and embarrassed and without a word she turned and walked away. I jerked off three or four times that night recalling the feeling of nice meaty cunt in my fingers and palm. I dozed off into sleep still holding my hot dick….

Dumb pussy! In the morning I had a hard time getting up….

###

Olena looker…

Olena was a looker and you would never guess what you might see. It was all surprise --the way her skirt rose up her legs and showing off her thighs or a tight bra revealing itself on her bosom till you watched open-eyed disbelieving what you were seeing.

She was also a snob but at our age it meant a world of difference. Every time I saw her there was an older guy at her side, hugging, kissing, slobbering all over her that I’d run off and masturbate with the memory what I had just seen and imagined they’d be doing.

There was a teen hop that night and every body was getting dressed and slicked up for the dance, mostly show-offs and eye-ers getting their fill of some luscious sight and going off to do some heavy petting and feeling. Cause I’d imagine that’s what they’d be doing; the idea of intercourse still hadn’t crossed my intimate thoughts. I’d get lost in the imagination of a body, clothed and slowly disrobing, inch by inch, garment by garment, until I was ready to shoot off my scum on a just bared bosom…never even knowing that girls had cunts….

I had seen her dancing earlier -- one of those slow dances that were hard-on inducers in every guy watching -- when I saw her again as I was going to the bathroom in the rear of the hall. She was going the girl’s room.

“Hey, doll,” I winked, pretending an acquaintance that wasn’t there. We must have passed a million times over the years and never spoken, when she said, “Hi, sweety!”

Amazing that I didn’t cum in that moment or grab my crotch and give myself a squeeze but we both stopped and looked at each other….

“Who’s your date?” she asked, and I felt stupid I didn’t have one.

“Really?” she said, and put her arm in mine. “I’ll meet you right here, ok?” and she winked and entered the girl’s bathroom. I tore into the boy’s room and quickly peed when I heard the door flung open and laughter coming through. It was Stahsh and Petey, not exactly my type of guys but guys I tried to be friends with.

We nodded at each other and they resumed their chat.

“Man, I’m gonna fuck the bitch tonight!” said Stahsh, rubbing his cock as he was pissing.

Petey didn’t say anything, just smirked and said, “Who you gonna fuck?” It was directed at me.

I smiled and boldly said, “Olena, she’s waiting for me outside.” With that I left the boy’s room thinking she would be awaiting me outside. But Olena was a girl and I still didn’t know how long she would take.

Stash and Petey came out, still laughing and said “Liar, fucking liar! You ain’t going out with her!”

When the girl’s room door opened and she came out, looking as radiant and hard-on inducing as ever.

“Hey,” said Stahsh, “you’re not going out with him, or not?”

When Petey added, “All he ever does is jerk off to the memory of you, ain’t that right?”

We looked at each other, the four of us, and for a moment I saw a tinge of outrage and remorse on her face. It was like I had betrayed her and abandoned her.

Olena looked at me, then turned and walked back to the hall leading to the teen hop going on. Music pounded loudly as she went through the door and disappeared in the crowd. The door closed and the music was muted. Petey still smirking as Stahsh was rubbing his crotch, “Man, I wanna fuck the bitch too!” he said.

I had nothing to say just walked out of that teen hop.

###

Ukies--2. Olena, Kathia, Taras

2. Olena

The Loews Sheridan movie house was in the Village -- usually I’d go to the Loews Commodore on 6^th street but they weren’t showing the film I wanted to see -- so it’s off to the Sheridan. I had heard about the movie house -- in the evenings it was a pick-up place for boys and girls who were older and could stay out but I was still too young to do that and went to the day show and see a monster film I was dying to see, Monster of the Lagoon, I think it was. Not many people were there and I took a seat up front as the movie started.

Eating my popcorn I saw the credits going up in the murky smoky lights when I heard female steps walked down the carpeted aisle as they pounded and trod down to a much distant seat below me. High puffed blonde hair and a slim body in a dress instantly had my erection rising; all I could do was gaze at the shadow of her head below me.

I was slowly nibbling on my popcorn when a man walked down the aisle and took a seat in her row. I got still harder and I knew I’d better keep my hands away from my dick -- just last week I had been caught in the bathroom by a nun who was outraged over what I’d been doing to myself: jerking off…

After a while, maybe 2, 3 minutes, the man inched up and took a seat next to her. Man, was I hard! I looked around, just a few people whose heads shown up the movie light, and I wished I had a jacket or raincoat to cover myself as I unzipped my pants and pulled my hard stiff dick out…

I could just imagine she was doing the same to him…I came, spilling my jism on the floor as I saw the man buckle contorted in his seat. But the female seemed to look at him as the man sat helpless beside her.

“That is gross!” she squealed at him, and stood up and just walked away.

Oh my God, it was Olena! from my class in school, but she didn’t look like an innocent schoolgirl but a movie theater hooker. And I was right after her….

She stopped at the concession stand and was getting some popcorn when she saw me and her eyes went wide but she turned about as if not having seen me. I also nervously approached the concession stand. She was stooped over and retrieving some cash for her popcorn when I saw her face, a load of makeup and mascara that my wet dick got instantly hard again.

“Hi, Olena,” I said, “How you doing?”

She looked at me, her expressionless face looking angry, like she didn’t know me. She looked about her then said, “Yes? Did you mean me?”

I stared at her. “Olena,” I said. “It’s me, Kolya, from school.”

She scowled and looked over at the smirking concession guy and gave him her dollar to which he turned to get her change.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and she put her change in her purse and went to the ladies room.

Bitch, I thought, and looked at the smirking concession guy, and left the theater. I didn’t care about seeing the Monster of the Lagoon, or whatever….

###

Andrey and Kathia

It was a match made in heaven…or maybe in hell…who the heck knew?

Andrey and Kathia were a couple ever since the 6^th grade, when pubescence was retreating and hormones were sticking it kicking in. Or so everyone thought…

At first the nuns in school kept them apart, after she had seen they were holding hands, but by the 7^th grade they were caught kissing and feeling each other so that the principal had to call their parents to advise them of the situation….Ah hem, cough cough…

They walked to and from school like they were engaged or newly married, holding each other tightly and both headed for their right place, in bed, or so we thought.

But by the 8^th grade the head priest of the church was informed.

Father Josephat was an old priest living out his life in a still and quiet atmosphere, who couldn’t be bothered about the trivia of the life around him -- serving mass twice a day then puttering about in his office and rooms.

“Where is Sister Superior?” he simply asked when informed of the outlandish teen children. “That’s her matter; she’ll handle it.”

But when told about the children were having sex in a back pew in church Father Jopsephat raged and fumed.

“What?!” he bellowed, and crossed himself, knowing this was the Lord’s way of testing his faith. The devils slick but not as slick as Father Josephat can be! he said to himself and prayed as the heathen children were brought before him.

Andrey was red faced and ashamed, not to mention he was frightened as well. But Kathia walked proudly as if she had done nothing wrong and was getting bothered by some kind of nonsense.

“You were in the Lord’s church!” he shouted. “Don’t you fear for your eternal lives?!”

Kathia yawned and looked at one on her nails. Father Josephat gripped Andrey by ear and dragged him outside, where the nuns awaited him. He turned back to Kathia and angrily sighed and collapsed into a chair.

This was not something that my old age can bear, he thought. I’m already too tired of and a younger priest was needed to look after.

“Since when is kissing a sin?” asked Kathia. “OK, I’m sorry we did in church, but it’s not a crime.”

Father Josephat stared at her, she was a nice looking girl; too bad she was so pretty. He shook his head. “You did more than just kiss, I’m sorry to say.” And with his awkward coughing he got it out.

“What?” exploded Kathia, and turned red and blushing. “I have no idea what Sister may have said but I’m a virgin….you can check for yourself,” and started unbuttoning and un-zippering her blue jumper.

Father Josephan coughed again and straightened up. “No, no,” he said, “a slight misunderstanding….get back to your class.”

Kathia paused in her disrobing and looked at the old priest. This was easy…too easy. She shrugged and didn’t take off her jumper.

“Thank you, Father,” she said, and bowed and returned to school.

Two weeks later school ended for the summer. It was discovered that Kathia was pregnant; they were certain who to blame…But Andrey was confused, he still was still a virgin….

###

After Olena

It was in the 6^th grade when I sat behind Olena and I saw her bra molded in her school jumper; I had a hard-on all day. I remember I didn’t know what I was seeing, some material in her clothes, but staring at it during class I realized it’s a bra I was looking at!

When class broke for lunch I bolted out of my seat and bumped right into Olena standing up. She scowled at me and gave me a dirty look that I interpreted as liking me. I dreamt of her that night, the bed rattling and shaking and finally fell asleep.

The next day was a Saturday, no school but jerking off most of the day. Parents were out, shopping, socializing, whatever, but I had thoughts of one girl, Olena, whom I had never thought of before. Earlier my sex dreams leading to masturbation were of girls I saw on the street, tight skirted teenage girls that I had passed by or their tight pants nylon molded in garters and nylons that proved they were getting bigger. The idea that a girl would wear nylons under her pants and showed the bulges off repelled some guys I heard talking about it but not me, it only excited me even more. But I never thought of the girls in class as sexual objects…but with Olena now I did.

Sunday was the next day. I got all dressed up for church and was on the street early, slowly sauntering along but my eyes peeled for Olena. Then I saw her, in a pink dress with frills, accenting her bouffant dress style that widened out from her narrow waist, and her breasts also widened out from bulkiness which hinted at the nice size within. I took a chance and speedily caught up to her.

“Olena, hi!” I said, hoping that my loose pants would shield my erection puffing out.

She frowned at seeing me and turned away but kept on walking. I caught up to her pace, thinking I’d sit with her in church, when near the doorway, Alex from high school, surreptitiously squeezed her hand and they both entered the church.

I paused in the doorway, nodded at other students hurrying in, then turned and walked away. I didn’t have a key to get home so I went up to the rooftop and masturbated up on the roof above the Lower East Side skyline. Wasn’t bad; I did it three times that morning.

###

Taras

Taras was certain everyone made fun of him, after all he was named after Ukraine’s national poet, Taras Shevchenko, and he felt he had to protect himself from the laughter and scorn coming his way, if there was any….

But it didn’t help that the poet’s Shevchenko’s picture was in every class with a great big one in the auditorium where his Ukrainian anthem, composed by him, was sung at every occasion. It didn’t matter that non-Ukrainian’s never heard of it; it had become a personal affront to him, an affront that made his blood boil.

Taras began to hate everything about Shevchenko, the long mustache of the hero drooping down his chin, and the Cossack hat roosting atilt on his head like he was going to battle the infidels who were trying to take Ukraine from him.

Zhche ne umerla Ukrainya “Ukraine is still not dead,” sang his anthem. Well, fuck Ukraine, thought Taras, this is America!

Taras had a plan: it started with him pissing in the bottom of walls where the poet hung and seemed to scowl at little Tarasik’s action, to actually taking and leaving his shit a few times on the floor. But that was no good; it only got the school talking and gossiping about what vile student could’ve done such a thing. Taras knew he had to leave one final big marking and evidence of his importance over the dumb poet and cease in his hellish antics, no matter how childish they had been.

One day after drum and bugle corps tryouts -- which he failed, “I don’t blow,” he simply said, not being able to gush forth a blast of air into the regimental instrument -- he found himself over looked in the auditorium by the other students and tryout coaches. This was his chance….

He took a chair and set it before Shevchenko’s portrait high up on the wall -- standing, it reached high enough for him to get it. Taking out a red crayon and scrawled the letter S….when the auditorium door opened and Father Gregory entered. He was outraged, putting two and two together he instantly made connection between the piss and shit that had defiled the sacred hero….

Well, Taras was booted from school, no need to tell you of his mother’s shame, and in later years he became a petty thief and purse snatcher. I ran into him on the Lower East Side. He laughed when the marking came up.

“I didn’t mean S for Shevchenko,” he said, looking at me. “The S was for Stalin. That would wake them up for sure.” Stalin, I thought, the vile despot who had killed millions of Ukrainians. But in Ukrainian Stalin was a C and Shevchenko a Ch but I kept my mouth shut…

I never saw Taras again after that; heard he was busted and went to jail or else had killed himself with too many drugs….Who the hell knew?

Zhche ne umerla Ukrainya! I suppose….

###

Ukies--1. Adventures in Ukrainian School

1. Ukies

Adventures in Ukrainian School

Things that were or weren’t …

My earliest memories were of things Ukrainian -- the language we spoke, the people we mingled with, the school I went to, the dreams and hopes that we had…I thronged myself with the possibilities and adventures of the neighborhood. The little enclave became a world to me, which maybe lasted 9, 10 years before I turned around and found myself in other neighborhoods with vastly different dreams and quests.

Still in memory I go back to them…How true are they? Are my recollections all fabricated? Can it be possible they don’t even exist for real? Where are those that can confirm these memories, these recollections? And are there any who can say “Yes, he had those dreams! But that was oh so long ago….Too bad he woke up….”

I stand now and look about me….More bars, more girls, more drunks carousing through the streets…I stand, I smile, a new school day is repeating itself....

###

Running from school

On my very first day in school when I was young and little and scared too, I saw a boy run away from school. He was an older boy in a much higher class but it seemed a quest I had to try too. I never knew his name or if his flight was successful. I just watched him climb over a fence and disappear down the street…

And no one said a thing….

I had to try that too…and in dreams I did…

###

.

Bouffant dress

It was 1960 when a few girls still wore bouffant dresses and little jacklets shielding their breasts from my eyes that were peering out just to catch a glimpse of flesh, which I barely ever saw…

I was in the 7^th grade and 14 years old. I was a man…well, a half-man without a woman, and hungry for them at every turn I made as I walked down the street. And on the Lower East Side there were many beauties to be had, or so I thought, ready to give it away…. Just that week JFK made his speech about asking for it, and that’s all I ever thought of….I assumed it was permissible.

And then I saw her, a crinoline sex-pot but actually nothing but a dog in her looks, like putting on a dress by a garbage man and looking the part. I had seen her before in church on Sundays, my dick alert. And from a distance she was divine, a dream come true, but up close and you’d squirm with gagging as you ran from her. How many times did I see guys rub themselves as she neared then squirm out of her nearness as she came closer? Put a bag over her head, I heard older guys say, then she’ll be alright. But I never saw her with a man at her side; she always alone, though prettily made up, with white gloves on her hands and a thin purse hovering at her waist.

I had decided I didn’t care how ugly she was, I was going to get me some…

I followed her after mass to 5^th street and Avenue A, right by the Con Ed station, where they made the electricity and she was certainly given me a spark. Each time as we walked -- I some distance behind her -- she would turn as if looking for someone -- I was sure she had me in her sights.

It’s amazing how women dressed back then --yards of crinoline and nylons that seemed ripe for taking off, and slowly…because that’s what I intended to do…

I saw she was walking much slower now, then the hurried pace she kept up after church, so she must have come to her street and was now talking it easy.

I increased my pace and was at the bottom step looking up at her as she was going upstairs. Man was I hard! What a sight! I could see her garters holding up her hose under the wide waisted crinoline dress she had on. It was all I could do to expose myself right there before her….Then I looked up at her face and saw her looking down at me….

Oh God, was she ugly! Thin but emaciated like she had been on a diet much too long; her bones very clear and evident, as if ready to snap and break. But even at the short distance she looked more like a man dressed up as a woman. The thought of putting a bag over her face was valid but how could I get near her to do that? I steeled myself and took a step up. I sensed she hadn’t moved a step…was she awaiting me?

Near the top I took a chance and looked at her again. Oh, God, did I want to puke! Holy shit, she was disgusting! I suddenly grew very afraid. I turned around and bounded down the stairs I had just climbed up, took a few steps and looked back to see what I have saved myself from…

She looked very downcast and sad; from the corner of her eye it looked like she was wiping something. Hell, I thought, what the fuck? Why not?

I wanted to run back to her…but her front door slammed….

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to be continued...